Sorry bout the previous two entries. ..geez. ..heard of moodswings?yea,mayb it was one of those days for me. ..

Anyway,this entry is not gonna be like that.. .BUT. ..it mayb a lil bit too jiwang-ish for some of you. ..

OK. ..I AM TOTALLY GONNA BE HONEST HERE. ..

HRM. ..AYTE,I'LL START FROM SCRATCH. .IVE KNOWN THIS GIRL,(4 ME 2 NOE,4 U 2 FIND OUT) SINCE 12/12/03. .AND A FLING KINDA EMERGED FROM OUR FRIENDSHIP. ..THEN BLA3,AND IT CAME TO A HALT SOME COUPLE OF MONTS LATER. ..HOWEVER,OUR FRIENDSHIP CONTINUED COZ IM NOT THE KINDA GUY WHO DWELLS ON THE NEGATIVE THINGS AND THEN, INVOLVE THE RELATIONSHIP IN IT. ..

SINCE LATE LAST YEAR,SOMETIME IN DECEMBER,I BECAME ATTRACTED TO HER AGAIN. ..I TOLD HER SO AND HER RESPONSE,WAS THANK GOD,SOMEWHAT POSITIVE IN MY VIEW.. .MANAGED A FEW LAUGHS. ..

BUT EVERYTHING SEEMED KINDA NORMAL AFTER THAT.. IN OTHER WORDS,NOTHING MUCH HAPPENED BETWEEN US. ..AND IM FINE WITH IT. ..THEN,A FEW DAYS AGO,WE CHATTED..YEA,THATS USUAL..BUT OUR CONVERSATION ON THAT NIGHT WAS UNUSUALLY GREAT.. .LOTSA JOKES AND LAUGHS WERE EXCHANGED. ..I DONT KNOW WHY,BUT BOY WAS I ELATED. ..JUST LIKE EVRYBODY ELSE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON THE OTHER PARTY WOULD BE.. .

THE FOLLOWING NIGHT,WROTE A POEM FOR HER(AFTER SUCHA LONG TIME),INCLUDED THE FACT I STILL LIKE HER. ..I DONT KNOW WHETHER SHE NOTICED IT ANOT,BUT WTH,HER RESPONSE TO WHAT I DID FOR HER WAS UTTER DEMORALISING TO ME. ..AND I JUST SHOVED MY FONE UNDER MY PILLOW AND WATCHED THE TELLY. ..

INSTANTANEOUSLY,SHE STARTED TO BECOME ONCE AGAIN,UNADORNED. ..I DIN NJOY CONVERSING WITH HER AND WHENEVER I TRIED TO START A CONVO,SHE WOULD JUST SPOIL MY MOOD OF DOING SO. ..SORRY,BUT THATS HOW I FEEL. ..

TODAY IS NO DIFFERENT. ..N YEA,ANOTHER GUY IS ATTRACTED,OR REALLY ATTRACTED TO HER..GOT HER NO. AND EMAIL LAR BLA3.. .HE DIN SAE SO,BUT ITS OBVIOUS LAR KAN. ..

THIS IS WHEN I ASK MYSELF,"SHOULD I PURSUE WHAT IVE BEEN WANTING?OR SHOULD I JUST THROW THE IDEA OF IT DOWN THE DRAIN?" COZ LATELY,IT HAS REALLY2 NOT GOIN THE WAY I WANT IT TO.."AM I JUST BEING SELFISH?" MAYBE,BUT I HAD THOUGHTS BEFORE THAT,SHOULD THE FEELINGS BETWEEN US BE MUTUAL,SHOULD I MAKE THE MOVE? SOMETIMES I THINK YEA,Y NOT..BUT THEN AGAIN,SHES TAKIN HER O's AND IM AFRAID THAT BY DOING SO,I AM ONLY GONNA BE ANOTHER OBSTACLE TO HER. ..

NOW,IM HAVIN MIXED FEELINGS. ..I FEEL MAD. I FEEL SAD. AND I KINDA FEEL HOPELESS. ..YEA,MAYB I SHOULD ALLOW MYSELF,OR HER FOR THAT MATTER, SOME SPACE. .AND PLS,STOP FUCKIN TELL ME THAT "THERE ARE STILL MANY FISHES IN THE SEA." THATS A FUCKIN ANNOYIN CLICHE OK?

DONT KNOW LAR. ..NOW I AM REALLY NOT LOOKIN FOWARD TO TALKING TO HER. ..I REALLY DONT FEEL LIKE IT. ..COZ I CAN FORESEE,IT WILL GO NOWHERE. ..

there you go Aunt Agony. ..hahah

so long,

=))